Walking home, started thinking about what people would be like if I was gone. Started thinking about my own funeral. What I want and shit.
First of all, I want people to fucking weep. Hate these peeps who say shit like "I want people to be happy and laugh at my funeral". Fuck that. I want everyone there, even people I didn't like, and I want them all to be sobbing because they'd miss you. Not saying it in a mean spirited way, but if I'm not going to be providing my homies with serious lulz anymore, I would think they'd be sad about that.
Want some skinny little number at the front crying over how much she'll miss my peen.
Want a gold coffin. Need the excess, want people to know I was a big shot. Want there to be a BBC4 documentary about me. Settle for More4. Guess my appeal could be more mainstream.
Auction off all my shit and give it to my charity. Might pick the Donkey Sanctuary to fuck people up. Need one last bit of generosity before I hit the pearly gates, want to know I'll be smacking that up with my bros in heaven.
Choosing funeral song is difficult. Could be obvious and pick a Cure song, or maybe 'I Gotta Feeling' by Black Eyed Peas. Maybe something from high school musical.
Probably pick a Radiohead song. Want people to know I was intelligent and alternative.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Need a kinky 'sex thing'
Want girls to like me.
Want to have something original about me.
Make me edgy.
Friend at university told me he did kinky shit with his gf. Needles 'n' shit. Won't go into deets.
What you guys think? What kinky sex act would suit me?
Bondage? Seems to messy for me. High chance of bloodshed. Will probably just end up a disaster I guess, I dunno.
Role play? Too much effort. Embarassment taking goldilocks costume back from rental with cum and blood over it. Probably don't earn enough to pay the deposit.
Might get into seminophagia. Sounds hot. Hear you can get some sort of spiritual connection from that shit. Read on wikipedia that it can cure cancer, so don't know why more peeps aren't into it. Dunnoez.
Bukkake sounds cool. Don't know if I'd feel comfortable with wanking myself off in front all my friends, loved ones etc just to cum on one girl. Rather just stay in and see if the new Belladonna vid is up on Spankwire.
Dirty talk sounds safe. A few minutes whispering in her ear about where I want to put my junk (see "nostril") and then on to some rampant love making. Might try this next time I'm honking some chick round the back of KFC. Don't know if I'll overstep the line, but tbf she's ragging some guy behind a fast food chain so she must have no respect for herself imo.
What's the one where you shit on their chest?
Want to have something original about me.
Make me edgy.
Friend at university told me he did kinky shit with his gf. Needles 'n' shit. Won't go into deets.
What you guys think? What kinky sex act would suit me?
Bondage? Seems to messy for me. High chance of bloodshed. Will probably just end up a disaster I guess, I dunno.
Role play? Too much effort. Embarassment taking goldilocks costume back from rental with cum and blood over it. Probably don't earn enough to pay the deposit.
Might get into seminophagia. Sounds hot. Hear you can get some sort of spiritual connection from that shit. Read on wikipedia that it can cure cancer, so don't know why more peeps aren't into it. Dunnoez.
Bukkake sounds cool. Don't know if I'd feel comfortable with wanking myself off in front all my friends, loved ones etc just to cum on one girl. Rather just stay in and see if the new Belladonna vid is up on Spankwire.
Dirty talk sounds safe. A few minutes whispering in her ear about where I want to put my junk (see "nostril") and then on to some rampant love making. Might try this next time I'm honking some chick round the back of KFC. Don't know if I'll overstep the line, but tbf she's ragging some guy behind a fast food chain so she must have no respect for herself imo.
What's the one where you shit on their chest?
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